7 Apr 2016
How a TBI has affected my life…
In May of 2015, I was working as a Personal Trainer which, after many years in the corporate world, was my profession of choice – to be able to help others reach their health and fitness goals. I loved my job though I was struggling to make ends meet. I just felt it was the right thing for me to do. (I worked two other part time jobs to help with finances.)
Fitness has always been very important to me and I regularly attended “boot camp” for my own personal well-being and to stay active as I approached my 60’s. Thank goodness I was at boot camp when I heard a “pop” in my head! I didn’t know exactly what, but something was wrong. I saw what looked like grid lines in front of me, but that was all I could see. I started crawling toward a bench to try to sit up. I learned later that I did make it to the bench and was able to sit on it, but then fell and hit my head and mouth. I found out later that what I experienced was a brain aneurysm – a blood vessel just above my C1 vertebra ruptured. I was in and out of consciousness as I succumbed to a Grand Mal seizure and was aware of the EMTs working to stabilize me and transport me to the hospital.
I woke up in a very strange place, and again was in and out of consciousness as family and caregivers told me what had happened and what they were doing now to help me. For some time, I was unable to distinguish reality from dreams. And, after a month in SICU, I was finally moved to the rehab unit and spent another month there. It was there that I noticed I had a broken tooth in the front and I could feel my hair had been shaved in several places. I could see what they were talking about with the weight loss; I had lost about 30 pounds of muscle mass, and it was difficult to do anything. I thought this was going to make it hard to be a Personal Trainer! I could barely walk! Those twenty pushups I was used to doing during warm-ups seemed to be very, very far away.
I worked hard in rehab though I had very little energy and needed to rest a lot. It was very frustrating for me. I couldn’t do one good pushup – but I never gave up. My kids were a big help at this time.
The constant barrage of testing and questions was draining, and when they told me it would be some time before I could go back to work – my world fell apart. How can that be?! How would I survive? What would become of me?! Of course I’d go back to work! But, I knew in my heart they were right. I still wasn’t eating, my energy was so low, I’d get dizzy and my eyes weren’t working quite right. That was scary for anyone who happened to be around when my eyes decided to each do their own thing. Hard work, love and faith got me through. I prayed a lot – and counted my blessings.
Eventually I went home, but because of the seizure, I couldn’t drive for a few months. So, I walked to rehab which I attended as an outpatient for another six weeks. I still struggled with dizziness, low blood pressure, headaches and low energy. My days consisted of attending rehab, resting, making calls and writing letters to try to get some help from the county, crying, resting, and doing what I could to try to rebuild my strength, and resting some more. Though family and friends were very supportive, I felt very isolated and alone. I just kept moving.
At this time, I am ten months past a life threatening incident. I learned that 45% of people who have brain aneurysms don’t make it past the first 24 hours, and of those who do, 65% die of other complications within six months. I am a miracle. My daughter calls me “Wonder Woman”. I’m happy to be here and I’m just looking to find my “new normal”. I continue to work on getting stronger, my headaches have subsided, but my energy is still very low. I’ve done some volunteer work and joined some support groups, but I know I need to do something that will sustain me into the future.
What happened to me was very hard on my kids. The things I had worked for all my life were gone – a house, retirement, etc. When I chose to be a Personal Trainer, I could no longer support a house payment and my retirement was lost trying to keep my house. That’s life. I did realize that I needed to use what time I have left on this planet to find a way to build a life that’s comfortable for me and not straddle my kids some hard decisions.
That is the reason I’m going back to school. As I worked with my local unemployment office and searched for jobs that I had done before, I was finding that many are now asking for degrees which I don’t have – experience, yes – degrees, no. Going back to school after so many years is scary. Going back to school after my brain has been altered is scarier. For me, it is important to be the best that I can be, and that means a 4.0 GPA. That might be a challenge, but I’m up for it.